Poem

REQUIEM FOR A SKINK

His tail had a hue of electrical blue,

Or perhaps you could say it was neon,

And we kept him enclosed in a miniature zoo

'Til the weather went well below freon.

He was monikered "Flash" on account of his speed;

He was limber of sinew and muscle,

But with no room to dash, Flash's flesh atrophied,

And he shuffled where once he had hustled.

So I came home one day and discovered with grief

That our lizard was now beyond pining:

He was stiffly draped over the stem of a leaf

In a posture which spoke of resigning.

Now I don't really know if he died from the cold,

Or got parched beyond all re-hydration,

But the skink bit the dust, just as all of us must,

Thus, this bit of skink eulogization.

Definewtions: Words that Could Be (or more likely, could be arrived at through TYPING ERROЯS.)

antwhere: exclamation. often used at picnics

concersation: noun. rudely chatting during a musical performance

dekete: verb. to fake someone out by not making a move they anticipate

errort: noun. something between a retort and a report, but I may be mistaken on that

firthright: noun. the turn you make before you make the thecond right

flaggard: adj. simultaneously flattered and staggered

hypheen: noun. a short Irish dash (punctuation, not a race)

hyphwn: noun. an extremely rare intense tropical storm only seen in Wales

hypohen: noun. a chicken—and a weak one at that

onservation: nounjective. like “on parole,” but with community service time required

peripod: noun. either a group of periwinkles, or what they hatch from

proviking: adj. pertaining to Minnesotans, especially those of Scandinavian descent

tactice: noun. the frostiness that can result from being excessively diplomatic

underkine: noun. a breed of short cattle from the Shetland Islands

The Seven Secret Success Strategies of Successful Secret Strategy Sharers

1. Discover some secrets.

2. Develop strategies.

3. Become successful.

4. Start sharing.

5. Publish a book on your successful secrets.

6. Hold seminars.

7. Wherever possible, reduce important concepts to catch-phrases—or short lists.

Overprotected Blues

Politicians they are vowing, the way they often do,

To enact new legislation for protectin’ me & you:

It’s gonna be illegal now to smoke stuff in your bed,

You will surely be arrested if they come and find you dead.

Lord, have mercy—I got the overprotected blues.

Yeah those gov’ment regulations—givin’ me the overprotected blues.

Well, I’m protected from myself, I’m protected from the Mob;

I’m protected from the terrorists and from every drunken slob;

My warnin’ label tells me, “You better watch it, Bub,”

Gonna get yourself electrocuted, with that blow-dryer in the tub.”

Lord, have mercy—I got them overprotected blues.

Yes, this list of stipulations just gives me the overprotected blues.

I got special safety stickers on the bottom of my shoes;

That tell me not to step in oil, or my balance I might lose.

And banana peels could get ya too, kinda’ make your backbone slip;

I guess I’ll put some golf spikes on, just to keep my grip—

I tell you it just ain’t easy, Baby—overprotected blues.

Bride/warrior

There are some of us who get all excited about being involved in “spiritual warfare” and who want to stay in that mode all the time. But there is also mention in the Bible that we are the bride of Christ, and a husband—a groom—doesn’t want his bride to be always out stomping on serpents’ heads and swinging swords; he desires regular times of intimacy with her. As it says in Ecclesiastes, there’s a time for everything.