A former ESL student drew this. I'm pictured holding a cup of coffe and a white-board marker.

Brain Bench Certificate

Update for Jan. 13 2009

Someone asked for an update, which means that sombody actually looked at this thing--mind-boggling. So I removed the post about Sarah Palin's being picked as a running mate. It was pretty outdated.

Here's something I just found:

A surfboard which a bite taken out of it by a shark in Binalong Bay, near St Helens, Tasmania is seen in this handout obtained January 12, 2009. An Australian surfer punched a five-metre (16-ft) shark in the head as he rescued his 13-year-old cousin who had been bitten on the leg and dragged beneath the water, local media reported on Monday.

(Tasmania Police/Handout/Reuters)

Check out Guitar George - he knows all the chords

Poem

REQUIEM FOR A SKINK

His tail had a hue of electrical blue,

Or perhaps you could say it was neon,

And we kept him enclosed in a miniature zoo

'Til the weather went well below freon.

He was monikered "Flash" on account of his speed;

He was limber of sinew and muscle,

But with no room to dash, Flash's flesh atrophied,

And he shuffled where once he had hustled.

So I came home one day and discovered with grief

That our lizard was now beyond pining:

He was stiffly draped over the stem of a leaf

In a posture which spoke of resigning.

Now I don't really know if he died from the cold,

Or got parched beyond all re-hydration,

But the skink bit the dust, just as all of us must,

Thus, this bit of skink eulogization.

Definewtions: Words that Could Be (or more likely, could be arrived at through TYPING ERROЯS.)

antwhere: exclamation. often used at picnics

concersation: noun. rudely chatting during a musical performance

dekete: verb. to fake someone out by not making a move they anticipate

errort: noun. something between a retort and a report, but I may be mistaken on that

firthright: noun. the turn you make before you make the thecond right

flaggard: adj. simultaneously flattered and staggered

hypheen: noun. a short Irish dash (punctuation, not a race)

hyphwn: noun. an extremely rare intense tropical storm only seen in Wales

hypohen: noun. a chicken—and a weak one at that

onservation: nounjective. like “on parole,” but with community service time required

peripod: noun. either a group of periwinkles, or what they hatch from

proviking: adj. pertaining to Minnesotans, especially those of Scandinavian descent

tactice: noun. the frostiness that can result from being excessively diplomatic

underkine: noun. a breed of short cattle from the Shetland Islands

The Seven Secret Success Strategies of Successful Secret Strategy Sharers

1. Discover some secrets.

2. Develop strategies.

3. Become successful.

4. Start sharing.

5. Publish a book on your successful secrets.

6. Hold seminars.

7. Wherever possible, reduce important concepts to catch-phrases—or short lists.